Putting myself back in those moments of trying to figure out who I was, I had this sense that I was following a script, the career that whatever it was. How much do you think your mother's death contributed to your sense that that you couldn't control the script. &gt;&gt; Well, I know for a fact that none of us can control the script, I know for a fact tragedies help to sharpen the sense of mortality which we spend most of our lives pretending doesn't exist. We all believe that an exception will be made in our case, and we're gonna live forever and it just ain't true, in fact, it's a whole Hallmark of adulthood that we accept that mortality. But having illness and death at that early age makes that terrible understanding present, I don't know any other way to say this, but you wouldn't be here talking to me if my mother hadn't died. I would not be the filmmaker that I am, had my mother not suffered this terrible illness and died. I was once asked by a sociologist what her greatest gift was to me and I wept as I said it and I didn't mean that I wanted her to die, but her greatest gift was dying. It forced me into survival mode that actually gave me a kind of impetus to do what I've been able to do. That seems a horrible, horrible thing to say and I would in an instant trade all of it, to have her present to see her grandchildren and her great grandchildren. But having the reality of that random chaos that cells metastasized gave me opportunities that I've tried to not just seize in a selfish way, but seize in a way that is always conscious of that place that I came from. The terrified little boy that couldn't sleep at night waiting for his mom to come home from the hospital or would sit in the living room looking at the corner window up at the top of the stairs hoping that those set of headlights turning in where my dad and my mom coming back. Blowing out every candle after she died at every birthday, wishing for only one thing into adulthood, and taking a long time to do it. &gt;&gt; So who gets you through that? &gt;&gt; I've got a grand daughter, my mother's name was Leila I didn't call her that, I called her mom or mommy, but all the years since 1965, even before when she was sick and dying her name was draped in black crepe. My oldest daughter who never met her grandmother, of course, named her daughter, Leila. And now that name no longer has black crepe on it, and you begin to realize that none of us get out of it alive but we live forever in the things that we create and the children that go on. In my family We have a story my second daughter Lily was terrified when she was wanting to have a vacuum cleaner, it was impossible to vacuum a room or a floor. When she was around, she had to be sleeping out of the house in another room, and one day my wife was vacuuming with this loud roaring monster of a machine. And Lily walked into the room, walked over and sat down on the vacuum cleaner, and our family sitting on the vacuum cleaner is a hugely necessary component of progress of growth in our lives. We all have to do this we all know what it means, where instead of taking a convenient expedited way out, which we do way too often anyway, no matter who we say we are, that somehow to just suddenly face it and fear it and your fear and master it as she did. So for us, sitting on the vacuum cleaner becomes not a challenge, but it becomes a symbol of transcendence, it becomes a symbol of how somebody is able to escape the specific gravity of whatever bad stuff has happened to them or that they feel could happen to them. And so much of anxiety, for example, is fear of the future, it's not an actual thing, Thomas Jefferson said, how much pain has caused us the evil which has never happened. Which is a way of saying, stay here, concentrate on what it is now and as you take that step, they take each step with you worry about how am I ever gonna do this? How am I ever gonna finish that film, how am I ever gonna to raise that child, how am I ever gonna overcome that, you're paralyzed by that fear by that anxiety. But you stay present and understand that, that the anxiety in itself is causing evils as Thomas Jefferson would say that aren't actually happening, we fear the worst and more often than not the worst doesn't happen. Now in some cases in my case the worst did happen, it happened and I've had to spend a lifetime, and I will never be free of it, of what that means I will never completely relax my guard. But that's okay too, that makes you a good parent, makes you a good filmmaker in some ways and so what we have to do is constantly put our own selves through a kind of, examination which says who am I? What is it that in Lee rejoices, am I on my own path? Do I realize there is no other path but my own to have, how do I escape the expectations of others and of the false expectations I have imposed on myself? If I can make that if I can make those steps away if I can free myself from all of the prisons and there are many, many prisons that are entailed in that, then I forged my own path. Then I have a way that is my own way. 

I can't tell you how to become a filmmaker because each person's path is their own. I do advise periodically evaluating yourself to determine if filmmaking is what inly rejoices. It takes a courage to realize and admit that you don't have something to say and filmmaking isn't for you. Make sure you put effort into self-evaluation so you don't waste your life on a dream that isn't really yours. Whatever you're doing, you'll know you're making a right step if you feel a spark of authenticity.

My mother died of cancer when I was 11 years old. It was like a grenade had blown up in our emotional lives. But it also triggered circumstances for me to find my true passion. Tragedy can provide the catalyst and courage to go forward and do things.

While creating my first film, I was living in New York and thought I'd have to leave my dreams and get a better paying job. Instead, I moved to rural New Hampshire to live on nothing and finish the film. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Documentarian & Filmmaker

We won't support your film. You're too young to be a filmmaker.

Family

Fear

Self-Reflection

Pushing Forward After The Death Of A Parent

Was it a confidence in like I can do this or was it I want to make films? &gt;&gt; There's a kind of initial thing which is Socratic, who am I to know yourself? And the second thing is to realize that whatever it is that you choose, it requires extraordinary perseverance that nothing will be handed to you. And that's terrifying but also exciting. This is what life is about, then you don't wake up. I remember I was working on my first film about the Brooklyn Bridge. I was living in a five story walk up in New York. The landlord was just raising the rent. And I just realized I need a real job. And I just shot a good deal of this film on the Brooklyn Bridge. My first film, this is the thing that I was taking from beginning to end and I realized I was gonna put it up on the refrigerator and I get a real job. And then I realized I'd wake up and I'd be 50 years old, and I would still be there unedited. And it would be that dream that novel, the ad guy was always gonna do. And I said no, the loudest no, I could do and move to rural New Hampshire where I knew I could live for nothing and worked in this place in this room and learned how to edit. With a woodstove going, the film cracking and breaking and made a film about the history of the building of the Brooklyn Bridge and its century of life as a symbol of promise and ingenuity and inspiration. And it got nominated for an Academy Award, as best feature documentary, so people said, you're gonna move back to New York or go to LA, I said I'm staying here. The single best decision I ever made was staying here. The second best was moving here. But staying here to go against the grain was the thing that made all the difference. And so I've made all my films from here. It's funny I can tell you how to become a doctor or a lawyer or a businessman. But I cannot tell you how to become a documentary filmmaker because each person's career path is their own. That's both the blessing and the terror. But I'd rather have that tension of blessing and terror than I would have just the rope preordained as if you were just some automaton walk into work in that gray flannel suit. To that living in a box, traveling in a box to climb up in a box of an elevator to a box of an office. And then suddenly wake up at 50 years old and go, what happened? Where were my dreams? What did I do? I haven't seen what I wanted to see. I haven't done what I wanted to do. 

Passion

Perseverance

Each Person's Career Path Is Their Own

We are seduced by what we think is the glamorous, I work in a business film-making that attracts thousands millions of students each year hoping to get a grasp the brass ring of a bold face name. It's a fool's errand, it's the hardest work I know. I just built a barn, and I made it my point to employ only people who are from this little village. And each one of the individuals who dug the foundation, who poured the cement, who cut the timbers, who did everything from soup to nuts has a life as as rich and as fully led as mine? We are way too seduced by things that we may not be suited for. I tell students in film classes there is no shame in saying, you know, I realized that I don't have something to say. This is not for me, I'd rather do something else. That takes a huge amount of courage than to continue to go out to Hollywood to have your five year plan that turns into a 10 year plans that turns into a 15 year plan. And you're still trying to hope you get a movie of the week and you haven't done that and you're taking this and you're working as a waiter here and that, you know. At some point along the line, somebody has to wake up and say, you know what? This isn't what I want to do or if I'm still a waiter after 30 years, my wish is so strong that I can taste it every day and I greet each day with that optimism and that, if not optimism then that drive that's going to keep going to overcome it. And so what we have to do is constantly put our own selves through a kind of examination that our media culture, particularly this internet culture doesn't do, which says who am I? What is it that inly rejoices. Am I on my own path? Do I realize there is no other path but my own to have? How do I escape the expectations of others and of the false expectations I have imposed on myself. If I can make that, if I can make those steps away, if I can free myself from all of the prisons. And they're many, many prisons that are entailed in that. Then I forge my own path, then I have a way that is my own way. And that's unique just as the guy who dug my foundation has it and we can look at each other as equals just as the guy who poured the cement is as equal and he could understand. I don't know something about editing scenes, but I he doesn't know anything about this, or let's turn it around and say, my god, what an incredible art this guy has how he poured this in January. How did he keep it so perfect in the midst of all of this cold and couldn't he say, whoa, really moved me that scene really moved me and so. That's what we all have to do, and the problem in the media culture is we want instant gratification, we think we can have it. We have lots of examples before us of people who are famous for no other reason then we've been told they're famous. They haven't done anything, they are in themselves self sustaining industries. The triage is huge, the shooting ratio that is to say the people who achieve that and the people who want to do that is millions and millions to one. So why get into that rat race? Why is it necessary to be distracted by all of these things? And to figure out the much more difficult question. I mean, I'll tell you why people are more discrete. Because the more difficult question involves an intimation of one's mortality, it involves a sense that it's not easy. It involves a kinda excruciating honesty that perhaps is embarrassing, and perhaps might have you change the set of friends that you have. That requires a kind of sobriety that is not have anything to do with drugs or alcohol, but has everything to do with kind of a clear eyed view of what's going on. Now you can do that and still continue to tweet and Facebook and that's terrific. 

Hard Work

Honesty

We're Drawn To Things We May Not Be Suited For

Had surrounded myself with colleagues who'd been there for a long time but also with young people in a way that I hope that just by example, not through some pedagogical teaching, something coming down from on high, but just by example, that they themselves will wish for themselves a route that isn't the preordained route. I remember the great novelist and first poet Lord of the country, Robert Penn Warren, who I got to know working on a film, looked at me with these goggled eyed snapping turtle eyes and he said, careerism is death. And so it's funny, I can tell you how to become a doctor or a lawyer or businessman, but I cannot tell you how to become a documentary filmmaker because each person's career path is their own. That's both the blessing and the terror, but I'd rather have that tension of blessing and terror than I would have just the rope pre-ordained as if you were just some automaton walk into work in that gray flannel suit to that living in a box, traveling in a box, to climb up in a box of an elevator to a box of an office. And then suddenly wake up at 50 years old and go, what happened? Where were my dreams? What did I do? I haven't seen what I wanted to see. I haven't done what I wanted to do. 

Character

Seek Something Beyond The Preordained Route

We think of privilege as just that, that it gives people more opportunities, and it does, but you have to be awake in privilege. You can't be a slave to the privilege. And quite often what we find in bad circumstances or what are apparently bad circumstances? The death of a mother, poverty, all these sorts of things can in the right circumstances, provide the catalyst and the courage to go forward and be able to do things. Where often we're aware of we have pejorative terms, the idle rich, the dissipation that comes from comfort, sort of the expectations of people that don't allow for a full expression of whatever it is that they are supposed to enly rejoice in, and that's interesting. One is by no means suggesting that you should be born in poverty or with great pain and trauma in one's life, but you do find that people who are given lemons often actually do in fact make lemonade, and that's an incredibly important thing to remember. And that quite often that people who are born with a silver spoon in their mouth that everything laid before them, many do make the most of it and serve humanity in the best possible way. But more often than not, there is a narcissistic outcome and we can always see the way in which things corrupt. 

Be Awake In Your Own Privilege

I went to Hampshire College absolutely certain that I was gonna be the next John Ford or Alfred Hitchcock or Howard Hawks that my three favorite American movie directors at that point. And my film teachers were taking still photographs of what is and they were as advocation they were filmmakers looking at what Is, and they quietly disabuse mice. I mean they call it in Hollywood the industry I mean they put palm trees in silhouette over their stationery but it's just smokestack they turn product out and there was a very gentle reminder. What is it? Who are you really what is it that you want to do? Where does that emotional catharsis which, I originally experienced that inspired who you were. Where does that actually come from? Does it come from the five or six plots that Hollywood continually churns out? Sometimes, in the hands of great directors, you bet. And I would never say never to trying my hand at that. But more often than not, it comes from the plots of life. The things that are true that don't fit as easily into the categories of plot that in their ever lasting safety. Hollywood always returns to it's easier to do a sequel than it is to try something new. And I can remember feeling that and I can remember a moment when I was working on my first film that had been so informed by the genius and the vision of my mentor Jerome Liebig. And I was working on a rough cut and he came into this little electro closet that was our editing room, and he wanted to change something and I didn't and I resisted. And he pushed and then I resisted and he let go. And I suddenly remember this kind of moment of both. I've won but also the terror that I've just jumped out of an airplane with just a parachute that I was on my own now. That through everything that I had done up into that point had been a subset of who he was. And suddenly I had found something that was my own and I was sticking to my guns, however right or wrong it was. I don't even remember what the thing was, probably wrong. But he saw in me, that moment and he left me go. And it was terrifying and perilous and I didn't want him. And he and he remained friends and close mentor and advisor and critic to the very end of his life. Nonetheless, I knew at that moment that I was free and on my own and that's where you realize, you know, your molecules are rearranged? You know sometimes, as a scientist, you work with a scientist, you make a discovery, you help a scientist with a discovery, you then move on in this field. This is something like uncharted territory. It was almost like saying, here's your hat, here's your coat. See you later, lock the door, and I was on my own, and it was liberating. And I can tell you mostly absolutely terrifying. 

Freeing Yourself From Constraints Is Liberating And Terrifying

Would you say that you have a healthy balance between your life and your work? &gt;&gt; My wife and daughters would say not, but I try to. Six years ago now, I was diagnosed with throat cancer. And I went through an extended period of treatment. I had radiotherapy and chemotherapy and two operations, two pieces of surgery. And I remember the night I was told that things were clear. I got a text message from a friend that said, I bet the champagne corks are popping at home tonight. But actually they weren't. It's not like that, it's a matter of relief and perspective and you actually just enjoy simple things. I celebrated that night by doing a double-header. I went to my younger daughter's cello concert. And then I went on to my older daughter doing her sixth form rack night, where they were raising funds for charity. And that was just the ability to do very normal day-to-day things and just enjoy them was the most important thing. And I had to decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. And I decided to come back to work. I do a job that does require me to travel a lot, so you have to work hard. I was up this morning, did a five k run, beautiful along the front here. So I exercise a lot, trying to eat healthily, and try to make sure that when I'm home, I actually spend some proper time with family and friends and the like. But keep things in perspective and enjoy it, I think, is the important part. 

A friend of mine gave me really great advice that I want to share: planning out your whole life in one interest isn't necessarily the best way to live. Instead, live your life in 5 or 10 year stretches. When you feel as if you've accomplished all that you're going to within one of those stretches, have the confidence and courage to reinvent yourself.

I was diagnosed with throat cancer and went through an extended period of treatment. After getting through that, I chose to go back to work but I make sure I devote time and effort into my health, family, and hobbies.

I worked in the public sector for years and decided to transition into the private sector. The change delayed a direct path but I think living your life in periods and reinventing yourself once you've achieved what you wanted is a better way to live.

Values

Enjoy The Simple Things In Life

What is happiness to you? And would you say that you are happy? &gt;&gt; I guess my family and friends and work colleagues would not necessarily say I was the happiest person in the world. I'm a sort of middle aged grumpy man. &gt;&gt; [LAUGH] &gt;&gt; So there's an element of that. But I like to think I've got quite a good sense of humor. And that I can find humor in most situations. And I think the ability to laugh at yourself, I think is really important to take your work seriously. But not to take yourself too seriously. And particularly when you're in a leadership position the ability to have a laugh at a situation or yourself is incredibly liberating. And enabling for those around you as well. And also frankly just makes life that bit more fun or that bit more sort of bearable. And I think we all find that, to what I said earlier, I think you find happiness sometimes in the simplest of pleasures. A run, a cup of coffee, watching a soccer match, reading an article in a newspaper. A chat with a friend, a text message from your daughter. A chance encounter with somebody. Not being so bound up in yourself and your problems and your challenges that you can't just get your head open, smell the roses as they say. 

Self-Reflection

Pushing Forward After The Death Of A Parent

Ken Burns

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